Just before Shabbos, Daniel who just became a zaidy for the second time asked me this question:
" How does the birth of a new baby change the rules around Shabbos ? "
A great question. Hopefully my answer would help women a little bit who are struggling with this issue. Pikuach Nefesh is the primary reason for overriding the 39 melachos of Shabbos, here are some halachic exceptions;
For example when a life is in danger, or a baby is sick with an dangerously high fever, a child is seriously injured-we can phone an ambulance, driving a car to accompany a pregnant woman about to deliver her baby- keep in mind that you have to stay in the hospital and cannot drive back home until after Shabbos. A bris has to be performed exactly on the eight day after birth, even if that day falls on Shabbos.
The first thing we have to learn is keeping Shabbos holy while taking care of the baby's needs. To make sure everything runs smoothly as possible you can feed the baby before kiddush and the seudah. Your baby will probably fall asleep. May this not be the case and the baby is crying, you can leave the table to comfort your baby.
"A Cry of A Child, " a short story told by the Rebbe:
When Rabbi DovBer was a young man, he lived with his family on the ground floor in the same house as his father, the Alter Rebbe. The Alter Rebbe lived on the second floor.
One night, while Rabbi DovBer was deeply engrossed in his studies, his youngest child fell out of his cradle. Rabbi DovBer heard nothing. But the Alter Rebbe, who was also immersed in his studies in his room on the second floor, heard the child crying.
The Alter Rebbe came downstairs, soothed his tears, and put him back in his cradle, rocked him back to sleep. Rabbi DovBer remained oblivious throughout it all.
Later, the Rebbe told this story at a farbrengen in 1962.
" To me, " said the Rebbe, this story charactizes the approach of Chabad. With all the emphasis on self - refinement and one's personal service of the Aibishter, one must always hear the cry of a child. When their soul cries out, we must respond. We must interrupt our davening and our studies, and do everything in our power to soothe the child. "
We are not changing the 39 melachos of Shabbos, but are working with them, however dificult it may seems, we have try to make a schedule for the baby. Feeding a baby on Shabbos is no different than any other day. Wash all bottles, when formula feeding, measured it out. On Shabbos you can use an blech to cover the burners or a timer for the bottle warmer, like we use with all other appliances.
A newborn baby ask adjusting our lives. Sleepless nights due to feeding times and up again early in the morning takes energy from us. Just try to rest when the baby sleeps, this is even easier done on Shabbos.
I never saw Shabbos as rules and regulations, but as a beautiful gift. A time of simcha.
When a baby boy is born, the first friday after birth is called Shalom Zachor. Family and friends come together to listen to some words of Torah, and there is of course some singing, and gives their blessings.
To honor the birth of a baby girl, we are having a Kiddush reception on the first Shabbos after birth, this can be in Shul or at home. On the same Shabbos the father is called up to the Torah, after the father finished his aliyah, the Gabbai davens for the welfare of the mother, following davening which includes giving the name to the baby girl. The baby boy receives his name during the bris ceremony eight days after birth.
We have a beautiful tradition, that gives meaning to everything we do. The first weeks after giving birth we have to make some changes and adapt to them, but it is not always easy. Try not to dwell on these changes, instead focus on the opportunities.
Bringing children into the beauty of Shabbos involves a lot of rituals, do's and dont's. One of the beautiful rituals are the blessing that the parents give their children on friday night. Children are encouraged to spend some time outdoors. Indoors they can play boardgames, puzzles etc, halacha is easy when it comes to toys and games for babies and toddlers, the dont's are becoming more strict at with age and the level of responsibility of the child. Below the age of three years old, children often have not a concept of Shabbos, thats why noisy toys like rattles are permitted. When a child grows older, most toys are still permitted.
Swings, riding bikes- only when there is an eruv - playing in a sandbox is permitted, as long it is not on the beach, and as long as the children are not mixing the sand with water.
Toys and games which are not permitted on Shabbos are; pencils, crayons, paint, play dough.
Shabbos should meet children physical and spiritual needs. What a child absorbs during Shabbos should be the most fundamental part of the beauty of Shabbos.It is not so much about the do's and dont's but the experience of Shabbos- the candles, together at the Shabbos table, the singing, the seudah, the rituals, the Dvar Torah that gives our children a lifetime of emes and simcha.