Dear World,
Jewish Apology: Sorry for being too succesful!
It has come to our attention that some of you believe in the existence of a secret Jewish cabal controlling the world's every move. We, the Jews, would like to extend our deepest, most heartfelt apologies—for not inviting you to the meetings.
Yes, you read that right. We're sincerely sorry for not including you in our clandestine gatherings where we supposedly manipulate global affairs. It must be quite disappointing to learn that the only thing we're conspiring about is how to lose weight after Passover holiday.
We apologize for being so successful in business, law, medicine, and pretty much everything else. It's not our fault that our bubbies and zaydes insisted on us getting a good education and striving for excellence. We'll try to dial it down a notch, but no promises—our mothers would never forgive us.
To those who believe Jewish doctors, lawyers, and bankers are part of some grand scheme: we regret to inform you that the only scheme we're a part of is trying to remember where we left our car keys. And as for our supposed control over Hollywood? Well, if we had that kind of power, don't you think we'd have made a sequel to Fiddler on the Roof by now?
In conclusion, we apologize for not living up to your wild conspiracy theories. But here's a thought: instead of blaming us for your problems, maybe take a look in the mirror. And if you ever want to join us for a bagel brunch, just let us know. We promise not to discuss world domination—unless it's in a game of Monopoly.
Sincerely
All the Jews
Source: AP @Brooklyn29 X
